The Mind/Body Connection

I understand and strongly believe in the connection between mind and body, but it was especially apparent yesterday during my physical therapy session. The pain that caused me to begin PT has largely subsided, but there’s still residual damage that only becomes apparent when it’s touched. While my therapist was massaging my neck and shoulders, she asked casually how my weekend was and at that same instant pressed on a giant knot in my neck. I managed a vague, “it was good”, while she went to work kneading at it.

My weekend was the opposite of good- full of heartbreak and disappointment and as she touched that spot, I felt all of it- the physical pain, the emotional pain, the sadness- and I wanted to cry out and tell her it hurt…I hurt. It was like she had opened a valve and I tried to relax and breathe into it, wanting to feel the release, but I could not have one without the other. No matter how deeply she massaged, it would be of no use.

I actually had a psychotherapy appointment scheduled for later that evening (Tuesdays are lots of therapy) and I started imagining how great it would be to combine the two- to have the physical therapist working on my neck while my other therapist sat in the corner and listened while I explained what my weekend was really like. I have this issue in psychotherapy where my therapist is wanting me to try lying down on the couch (we usually sit facing one another) and I can’t. I have a strong and instant bodily reaction to the request- sweating, my heartbeat quickens- some kind of control issue, I know. But here I was lying face down, defenseless, the physical manifestation of my sadness in someone’s hands and unable to let it go. Later, in psychotherapy my therapist brought up how I might be manifesting some intimacy issues in my relationship with her- if only she would have pressed that spot on my neck while she said that! I feel like we could have made some real progress.

I know there’s somatic counseling which combines mind and body work- definitely something I’m interested in learning more about. But in the meantime, I made the obvious connection between this dilemma and sex, specifically bdsm play. I’m definitely drawn to this type of play and probably for many of the same reasons that I mentioned above. Something about getting into a zone and (safely) experiencing physical pain with someone I trust, serves as such a release. My mind clears and I enter something similar to a meditative state- add sex,  trust and intimacy to that and, well, no wonder it feels so good.