Comments for A Consuming Desire

Comment on To Dye or Not to Dye? by Kim

Kim — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 05:10:54 +0000

I’ve been pondering this with two of my friends. I started coloring to amuse myself, but, as my friend would say, “I’ve been checking” below and it’s quite horrifying. Well, to say the least, that got shaved off! However, my stylist used the word “gra”y for the first time so I am beginning to wonder. People like me and remember me as reddish brown. I suspect if I was with someone, it wouldn’t bother me as much. But, I guess I’m still “on the market” so I’m thinking I need to keep it up.

Comment on By Way of Introduction…Specifically, The Femme Question by Jen

Jen — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 21:35:20 +0000

Wow, this is an amazing essay, and I love the responses people have made. I also have felt like I don’t belong in the femme community because I don’t dress in high femme… I often wear more androgynous clothing, and as a feminist do not believe it serves me to be obsessed with my appearance. As someone up above said, my femme identity is more about this: “there’s an internal grace, a feminine energy, a suppleness, an ability and an inclination to flow around people like water, to help them shine and focus themselves and to nurture and protect them.” I love that– it really gets at what gender identity means to me, that it’s not just about clothing or make up, but about one’s very essence.

I also carry with me a sense that I cannot trust other femmes; in my experience, many femmes I know have gone after other people’s girlfriends. I have personally experienced this, watching femme “friends” flirt voraciously with my butch gf. Honestly, I have pulled away from some femme friends because I felt a fear that they would betray me in this way as they had other people.

I do have some femme friends who are very wonderful, and I am grateful for them. These femmes are not obsessed with appearance, thinness, or image, and I feel I can relate to them authentically without fear.

Thank you for writing!

Comment on To Dye or Not to Dye? by G

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:58:01 +0000

I think femmes are sexiest when they’re confident. If that means letting all the grey hang out or coloring it at the first sign of grey, it’s fine by me. I like a woman who takes care of herself, and I don’t view grey hair as an indicator of neglect.

My hair is pretty short, yet I own more product (expensive stuff, I might add) for it than most femmes I know. I get ready pretty quickly, but deliberately. It takes a lot of effort on my part to look like I’m perfectly imperfect. As for the grey, I have none yet at 34, but I’m thinking that when it arrives, I’ll let it stay.

Comment on Why the Y? by G

Wed, 04 Mar 2009 04:51:26 +0000

Just found your site, so hello!

I identify as butch, but it took me a long time to get there because of my own negative perceptions of the word. Rough. Cold. Detached. I didn’t think I was one of *those.* I got over it though, as I’ve come to terms with the fact that we all use labels (that’s how we sort things, as humans) and labels can change. I also know that I rock my own version of butch, and being comfortable in my own skin has made all the difference.

Comment on My (Skinny) Femme Body by erato

erato — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 14:09:14 +0000

I just wanted to say I find thin women very sexy. I think healthy bodies are sexy regardless of their particular configuration, their “lackings” or their “surplus”: a woman (or a man for that matter) who takes care of and pride in her (or his) body is sexy. And yes, curves are great but a female who isn’t as curvaceous isn’t a tiny bit less feminine. Feminity is a lot more subtle than that… And btw, your blog is wonderful: it’s a shame you’re not posting more frequently!

Comment on Why the Y? by Holden

Holden — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 08:27:36 +0000

I like what you say here, it’s important to reclaim terms and adapt them or break the stereotypes.

I’m happy to call myself butch these days but in the past would have considered it a negative term. Funny how things change (for the better.

Comment on Why the Y? by ladybrettashley

ladybrettashley — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 21:44:20 +0000

i pretty well agree with what you’ve said here.

i tend, i think, to use “butchy/femmey” when i don’t know how someone identifies because it’s just an adjective.

Comment on By Way of Introduction…Specifically, The Femme Question by Why the Y? « A Consuming Desire

Why the Y? « A Consuming Desire — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 17:11:10 +0000

[...] did when I started thinking about whether to claim a femme identity. I’ve written about this before, but I certainly had my misconceptions. The same goes for butch. I was out a couple of nights ago [...]

Comment on To Dye or Not to Dye? by Silver Foxes « Sublimefemme Unbound

Silver Foxes « Sublimefemme Unbound — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 03:52:58 +0000

[...] Silver Foxes Posted on January 28, 2009 by sublimefemme Do silver foxes really exist among women or is being considered gray and foxy only possible if have male privilege and/or are Anderson Cooper? My beloved grandmother died at the age of 96 (actually, we’re not exactly sure how old she was) and she was still coloring her hair brown right up until the end. I’ve been coloring my hair for years, and am not ashamed to say that I do it because I’m vain. Period. (Have you seen buddhistfemme’s interesting post on the decision to color her hair, “To Dye or Not to Dye?”). [...]

Comment on To Dye or Not to Dye? by freedomgirl

freedomgirl — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 15:13:19 +0000

I have a friend who is in her 20s and is completely grey, and her hair grows really fast. She looks great with grey hair but after people repeatedly thought she was her gf’s mom she caved and dyed it. So expectations outside the community are really strong too. I have a hard time thinking of a woman over 30 among my circle of friends/acquaintances who doesn’t dye her hair at all.

My butch says that having grey hair is not a disqualifier for her thinking a woman is hot, for what it’s worth! She is finding grey hairs in her brown hair this year too, but I think she’s going to leave them alone for now. I have moderately pale blond hair, so theoretically the grey won’t show that much, if my dad’s hair is any guide, but I haven’t found any yet.